My lovely and bestest friend Miri has posted an article on the trials of MIT tests. Here is my reply.

Agreed. Had I not taken Physics C, Calculus, and AP Chem I would be completely screwed in Honors Chem right now. And you Miri, know more than anyone how much I dragged through high school on my belly doing the bare minimum to maintain my GPA, even though I took the hardest course load possible. I know why this happened though. There is no way in hell I could have handled being in any normal classes, always thinking that there was something important and life motivating to be learned in an AP class. As the days went by I knew this wasn’t true.  In every single one of my classes, especially the upper level ones, there were large blocks of time in which we did absolutely nothing. Perhaps the first thirty minutes of class a teacher would take attendance, or another teachcer would finish a lecture an hour early and give students time to mingle and talk. It seemed to me the biggest waste of time known to man. If we have so much free time, why not spend it doing something that I thought was a valuable attribute to my life?

I spent a large portion of my high school life uninspired, unchallenged, unmotivated. With zeal, I invested my energies in many other projects, paying little attention to class; seldom finding moments of excitement in my academic life when I was cramming for this, or struggle to learn that in small pockets of time.

With some stroke of fate I enrolled into NYU. With another stroke of luck I passed the placement test to qualify me into the Honors Chemistry program. I can truly say that this is one of the greatest experiences of my life. There is not a day where I don’t reevaluate my choices in high school, however. If I had spent those extra patches of time studying ahead, instead of being bored off my ass, my grades definitely would have been better. If I had taken more advantage of the teachers who sat there and babied us through each and every Calculus problem, how much easier would Chemistry be for me now? Should I have taken more math courses over the summer instead of Japanese and SAT prep (which was useless), so I could be up to par with my higher level classmates?

Wait, nevermind, my classmates have already taken Linear Algebra and Multivariable Calculus.

The geniuses at my college shock me. When you are surrounded by scientific savants, the reality of your own mediocre intelligence really is a bitch slap in the face.

Me: How long did it take you to do your homework? I finished it in 5 hours yaay!
Friend: Oh, about two hours. How are you even in Honors Chemistry?
Me: ….Shit. I got a 88 on it.
Friend: How?! I got a 97.

I suppose there is also a social trade off. But who needs that when you want to be a genius?

Me: Do de do de do. I’m in an elevator. Hey, you’re in my Chemistry class right? How are you? How did you do on the last homework?
Classmate: Uhh, I don’t know!!!!
Me: Oh.. okay.. haha. What’s your name?
Classmate: I don’t know! I don’t have one! I don’t have a name! AWKWARDDD.

Later on I found out that he is quite uptight, and he won’t tell anyone his name for some reason. He goes by Fung, or some variation of that. Oh good, it’s not just me.

My various Chemistry study groups really are my saving grace, however. They are full of people who are in the same boat as me, or worse, and some geniuses. We spend a lot of time trying to figure out how the hell to answer the question, and the rest attempting to answer it, if that makes sense. It really is a great experience for me, and what I’ve been looking for for years. If I didn’t have them I’d be screwed in 8 different ways by now. Thanks to them, I am only screwed in 5. Thanks guys!

A lot people in my Chemistry class have admitted to breaking down in tears. I have not done this. Yet. I am, however, stocking up on electrolytes for when I get my midterm grade back. I will study my ass off until then. I am so thankful to be in Honors Chemistry. It really does motivate me to learn more about how things work, even though I disagree with most of the theories (Schrodinger’s is bullshit!).

One day me, Charlie, and Ash are going to derive every equation that’s ever existed. This equation is not derivable?! Peh! We will find it’s wave function… Oh God, I’m disentigrating into late night inside-joke-hallucinating-babble again. Everything really is funny at 5 AM.

I was just looking through the poems I wrote in high school, and I seem to have gone through a period where I was obsessed with sleep and dreaming! In result, I wrote three poems about them for school purposes. I thought I’d share, since poems are fun!

Ode to a Young Dreamer

I think I wrote this after experiencing an amazing dream, and being pissed off that I couldn’t remember what had happened, or that it wasn’t real or something.

An impossible opportunity that arises in a dream

Is one which we yearn to take

But much later on we wake up,

And sadly realize that it was fake

And so I weep and cry at my stupid,

Obvious misconception

And sorrow gapes from my aching heart,

And flows through me like an infection

Indeed, it is not possible

That she came back to life

And it is certainly not plausible

That I became his wife

Thus, we simply cannot run

From our deepest darkest secrets

When we are locked tight in the metaphorical zipper

Of our subconscious’ evil breeches

Young dreamer beware,

Do not dream too much

For dreams, like words,

Can flow out a bit too rough

Only this time there is no defense mechanism

For what you might hear or see

No warning of how you’ll wake up,

No preview of what will come to be

The most anyone can do,

Is hope for the best

And finally, cautiously,

As they lay down to rest

Hope to not dream too much

To dream or not to dream

We were supposed to write something in the same pattern sequence as Hamlet’s famous soliloquy. One of my faves.

To dream or not to dream – that is the inquiry

Should one so innocently dare tread upon the

Possible creepies and crawlies of the night

Or combat against the nightly urge

And, through strife, inoculate? To sleep, to die—

Nevermore— and to dream is adjacent to death

The end of trial and strife of the known world

That our essence is subjected to– a temporary relief

Intrinsic in need. To sleep, to die—

To die and live again. Indeed, thus the temptation

Yet in that dreary slumber what shall I see?!

When mental inhibitions do not hold true

In the pause of consciousness. How easily

Everything is forgotten!

What man should endure the trials of life,

The problems of reality, erroneous justice

And the flaws of truth

When he could easily lay to rest these petty things?

To suffer and loath the harsh realism

Or risk an inescapable terror of slumber

Is it worth it to stay awake, alert

Or start anew in the unknown territory of our minds?

Ah, such a fright of the harmless

Causes unnecessarily personal demons

Skewed by fear and thought

What happens to a dream undreamt

What happens to a dream undreamt

Or the essence of a coin well spent

Do they furrow swiftly in crevice of air

Or lie dormant, waiting in someone’s stair?

Perhaps such things are merely divined

To disappear when it comes time

Not grown and nurtured with fragments of wish

To be served on the platter of an elegant dish.

The wisest of men cannot know for sure

Though all their lives they’ve searched in fervor

You’d have to posses the span of a star

For only they know what’s truly are

I think it could be the residue

Of sadness turned to kindness, steadfast and true

Good feelings held in reservoir

Of kind human’s choice – near and afar

Today, for some reason or another, I ended up getting dumped somewhere in Bobst Library while my friend Wez made copies for a writing class. The tables were filled with people so I sat at the least populated one. I will probably never see the girl who was sitting there again, but I introduced myself because it’s just weird to sit at someone’s table and half stare at them awkwardly. I’m not sure if that was a good idea or not.

Me: Uh hi, I’m Sapphi

Girl: I’m Lesley! Wazzap? (I forgot her name immediately, but there is a homeless tranny in Austin who has this same name so why not)

Me: Oh, nothing much, sorry for taking your table.

Girl: No probs. So where are you from?

Me: I’m from Texas.

Girl: Oh my god, is your family okay?

For a moment, I was almost mildly panicked at this comment. Something happened in Texas? My family might be hurt? Why don’t I know about this?! Images of Godzilla and flash floods appear. Then I remember I don’t have any family in Texas. I decide to look at her incredulously.

Me: Something happened in Texas?

Girl: Yeah. There was a hurricane.

Me: Where?

Now it’s her turn to look at me like I’m an idiot.

Girl: On the coast.

Me: Err.. no… Where are you from?

She is still staring at me with an odd look on her face, or perhaps not staring at me at all, but at something behind me. Holy shit; short attention span. She snaps out of it.

Girl: OH! Uhhhhhh, Long Island. Sorry I forgot hah.

I don’t know shit about Long Island, so the conversation pretty much ended there. Fail.

Up until now walking up to random people and talking to them and/or dancing has worked great. I am serious about the dancing part, too. Now my plan has backfired with no backup plan in sight! On another note, how can someone in this day and age generalize a tragedy to an entire state? I am now thinking back and wondering how often I’ve done this, and I’ve realized I do it quite a lot. In fact, when most people mention a place, the easiest way to recall it is to associate it with a tragedy. He’s from Indiana? I wonder if his house is flooded. She’s from Korea? Oh yeah, that was invaded by both Japan and China. Okay, I don’t really do that, but I am seriously wondering how she actually thought my family was destroyed by some Godzilla flood.

Perhaps Texas isn’t as big and *gasp* important as any Texan inevitably thinks it is. I’ve gotten used to the ‘Why don’t you have an accent’ and ‘I thought you would wear cowboy boots’ garb, but this took the cake.. Or maybe that girl was just weird.

~

In an attempt to make Japanese class more interesting, I have begun adding pizzaz to the monotonous dialogues that we are forced to regurgitate after learning four days a week. When it’s my turn to pretend I am the waitress or customer or whatever, I act the part of some made up character. Usually it’s an increasingly devastated sociopath. Example:

Me: Do.. do you have sushi? :[

Waitress: Sorry…. we don’t..

Me: OH MY GOD NOO WHY??? Do you have Ramen?

Waitress: Sorry…. we don’t..

This goes on for awhile. Usually the waitress snaps and goes ‘just order off the fucking menu!’

Me: Do you have Fishburgers? (I am sobbing uncontrollably at this point.)

Waitress: Yes.

Me: OH MY GOD WHY THAT???? How much?

Waitress: 10 dollars.

Me: What? 10 dollars? How can this be? Noooo, I’ll pass! Do you have Black Tea?

I’m looking for different ways to improve my Japanese skills, so on Monday I went to a Speaking Freely course offered by the college. Speaking Freely is basically informally learning about your chosen country’s language and culture, or something like that. Tourist 101 pretty much, with different fluency levels. I went to level 1 with Wez. About 60 other people were there. The lady who was in charge basically said in a very meek voice ‘Next week we will learn about food and stuff. Now everyone introduce yourself’. About 99.9 percent of the people introduced themselves in English, and we were never taught how to introduce ourselves in Japanese because the lady forgot the dry-erase marker. I was determined to make the most of it, though! Some guy came up to me because he said it seemed like I knew what I was doing. I ended up teaching him and another person almost everything I’ve learned in Japanese class up to this point. When I got home I was elated. I taught someone something! I can be a TA! My dreams were subsequently crushed when I realized I am no where near fluent in Japanese, and it’s impossible to be a TA for that class anyway.

I will write another blog about various NYU experiences after I figure out how to do my Chemistry without killing myself dying!

Today on Washington Journal there was an article on giving cash to middle school (ages 10-14) students. A school district - In Washington DC I believe - has decided to put over 2 million dollars into a program that pays middle school students up to $100 dollars a month for good behavior. You know, attending class on time, turning in homework, being polite, all the things that someone SHOULD already do, this all gives students 2 points a piece. And two points is two dollars, or something like that.The point of the article was basically that punishing people for not doing these things was not effective enough, but rewarding them for doing it is. I wholeheartedly agree with rewarding people for doing the right thing, and I agree that perhaps there are more effective ways to inspire a student to do well in school other than punishment. But, money? I think that crosses the line.

I scrambled to the phone to give my opinion, excited to be able to contribute my opinion to such an amazing channel, C-SPAN, live. I expressed that I absolutely disagreed with the opinion that the program was a good idea, and that it was the parents responsibility, not the school’s, to spend so much on trying to get a student to do what they are already supposed to do. My middle school had a similar program, actually, so I mentioned that this only teaches people to do what’s right for money, rather than doing what’s right because they are supposed to. I said that monetary motivation is wrong, and 2 million dollars is ridiculous, they could be spending that money on a motivational speaker or something. The guy asked what I wanted to do in life, and I said that I’m going to NYU, majoring in Chemistry, and that I wish to become a doctor. He knew what street my dorm was on. WOW. Is Washington Journal in NYC or did he go to NYU too?

Apparently I come from a high class white coddled family that makes over $100,000 dollars a year, and my uncontrollably cheerful voice means that I have no troubles or woes in life. Can that be any more wrong? It’s my own fault though. Sounding happy makes people think the wrong things, I guess. Most people disagreed with my opinion, but it’s all good. They had very good points. Some people said that perhaps money is what will get the ball rolling on inspiring students to learn and achieve something in life. Others said who cares if they do it for money? At least they are learning something. The guy before me, who is a sophomore in high school said no way, they will only use the money on drugs. Some said that this would be a good idea if it was restricted to college tuition, like a scholarship at the end of four years. This I agree with. However, many students don’t think that far in the future, so I believe that immediate cash would be more effective. Later on a history teacher said screw that, teach them values not money mongering.

One dude said that I only want to be a doctor for the money, so there is no difference. That makes me sad, because I want to become a medical researcher because 1) I generally love science, research and Chemistry, and 2) I think it’s absolutely ridiculous and sad that so many people die from diseases that society can find a cure for. I don’t think medical researchers get paid that much anyway.

What do you guys think?

Shoutwire Link

Also; It’s time for some shameless plugging.

Do you want online coverage of the democratic and republican conventions? I know you do. In high school Government we learned that conventions used to be frothing at the mouth, cat fight debates and arguments. Nowadays it’s like a massive block party where people do their best to show party unity and happiness. Vote for us! We’re awesome! Something like that. With my current addiction to C-SPAN, I will definitely be keeping track of this. There’s even special sections on the C-SPAN website that cover both the democratic and republic conventions, with special blog feeds and links to sites like Youtube which will be covering the convention. You all should check it out, I think it will be worth watching.